Begrudging photo credit.
Once upon a time (this summer) there was a fairy princess (
But before the princess could even pull her chariot out of the drive thru, she realized that the evil witch behind the counter didn't snap the lid on all the way. She realized this as the magic potion trickled aaaaaall the way down her white shirt. Never fear, she thought. I have a Tide pen! But alas, the Tide pen was in her other purse. So the princess, having originally been twenty minutes early, had to go to Walmart and buy a new shirt and wait in line behind some lady buying every pack and variety of cigarettes known to manf---ingkind and was thus ten minutes late.
Bandaids, Advil, Tums, Kleenex, concealer | Essentials to fake not being sick/mortally wounded.
Two tampons | One for you, one for the girl who comes up and asks if you have an extra. Be a hero.
Mints, $20 cash, a granola bar, and a phone charger | No one likes to be stinky, broke, hungry, or dead.
Fold-up flats and a baby umbrella | Optional if you're not a freak weather magnet like me.
Industrial power lint rollers | Optional if you don't live with two four-legged hair factories.
Tide pen, Shout wipes | ... don't get me started.
Mini bottle of Jack | Just kidding. Look away.