Monday, July 15, 2013

On Meaning Well & Really Sucking At It

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Maybe it's an only child thing, but since I don't have brothers and sisters, I sort of just adopt my friends.
(Is it adoption if they don't have any say in it or just thinly veiled kidnapping? Do not answer that.)

I've always felt lucky to get to choose my own little family, to love them to pieces because they're awesome and not because we have the same parents. And since I am wholly incapable of doing absolutely anything in moderation, that love comes standard with a super-intense desire to rip anything that hurts them to shreds and tap dance on the ashes. Because that's not a fucking sign of a budding sociopath or anything...

So when bad things happen to them (and lately it seems like all of the bad things have decided to happen to all of them at once), my reaction is to FIX IT. FIX IT NOW. MAKE IT STOP. It's mostly selfish -- I'm better at doing the hurting than watching them hurt. I'm horrible at doing nothing, at feeling beyond useless times infinity, at staying the hell out of the way (what do I do with my hands?!), even when I know that nothing I do can make it better but I could probably stumble across a way to make it worse.

If there's one thing I lack (and let's be real there are ssoooooo maaannnny, but this particular gem I lack IN SPADES), it's being any good at waiting. But I know that the reason I picked them in the first place is because they are amazing and strong and perfectly capable of kicking life's ass without me, so I will sit here and shut up and let them hurt and I'll be waiting with terrible jokes and lots of shots when they come out on the other side.

If you can spare some extra happy thoughts or prayers or however it is that you channel your good vibes, I promise you they deserve them. I'll be keeping myself busy every second of every hour of every day -- bar exam, you're finally good for something! -- and resisting the urge to light anyone on fire who even thinks about telling them to dance in the rain.


  1. I have the same flaw, if you can call undying-torch-bearing loyalty a flaw; obsessed, maybe. But not a flaw! Sending your friends thoughts and prayers and unicorn magic (that always helps).
    PS: Thanks for your mail! No worries, bar exam seems kiiiinda more important than blog buttons and whatnot. Hugs to you! <3

  2. I know exactly what you mean. Good vibes all around, for you and for your friends! *cyber hugs*

    1. thanks Kim! wait I think I feel them... ;)

  3. So sorry that people close to you are struggling. Of course I'll send prayers your way and their way. You have such a big heart, girl!

    I love your outfit over there in that button! Gorg!!
    XO, Gina


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